Last night work wasn't very busy. I could've stayed and probably made some decent money, though. But instead, since a friend came in and offered me thirty dollar tickets to the CMA (country music academy) fest, I figured hell, why not, Dillon will love it. So I spent sixty of the ninety something I made, plus paid for parking, plus paid for drinks. It was fun, although our seats made my seat's at the National show in Brooklyn look like front row center in comparison, and we got to see Josh Turner, Miranda Lambert and Keith Urban. Very fun. So, with that being said, why is it that I woke up with this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach like I really screwed up by going and enjoying a night out instead of working and saving money? Guilt, I guess. Needless to say I don't feel well at all today, I have an extremely long day ahead of me, and I'm ready to walk out the door although I don't need to be there for an hour and a half. Yikes. Why do I constantly have to reason with myself? I'm one extreme or the other with money. I'll go out sometimes with the intention of buying something very useful, like diapers, (not for me, yet, thankfully), and will somehow reason with myself at the time that oh, it's just money, who cares, you have enough, spend a little, it sucks to work and get to reward, blah blah blah, and before I know it I've spent all the tips I made the day before. And what do I have to show for it? Stuff! Stupid stuff that I don't need. And a small number next to my 'checking account' list on my online banking. And honestly, sometimes I really do feel it's ok to spend a little here and there, since my Forever21 got flooded out I haven't shopped for clothes other than while on vacation in New York, yet I still feel absolutely awful when I spend money. It's sick, I don't like it, my brain messes with my brain. Blah.
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