Be Brave and Be Kind

Apparently, urging your lazy, and yes I do mean lazy and not some other nice way of putting it, fiance to actually go to work after having two days off, makes me a bitch. Nothing I like more than busting my ass three or four days a week, 40 hours in those few days, driving an hour a day commute (to move out to the city where HE wanted to live, making HIS commute shorter), having to do all the babysitting arrangements, pick up and drop him off, and having the baby 24/7 my days off so his life goes on exactly as it did before I got pregnant. Going wherever he wants, whenever he wants, with whoever he wants for as long as he wants. Whatever, that's fine, I don't bug him about that, because I love my time with my son and can't imagine anything being more importantly or fulfilling. Whatever, I don't have dreams, so that's what I'm left with, living hundreds of miles from my relatives and friends, I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch because I have money, the way I've ALWAYS had money, and he doesn't, and since we're engaged that means he should be entitled to my not only working full time, taking care of our son any moment I'm not at work, keeping up with ALL of the housework aside from the occasional emptying of a fully clean load of dishes when I demand him to (not because it needs to be done, no, apparently a magical fairy comes around and does all the housework while I lay on the couch all day and allow Adrian to cook his own meals, change his own diapers, etc). And who gets bitched out when he can't find clean underwear? Oh, sorry, I guess the underwear fairy who came in and did all of three peoples' laundry washed three loads and only folded and hung up two, one is still cleanly sitting in the dryer, and god FORBID he do a single thing to make the magical fairy's life any easier. I'm expected to go above and beyond, always, and I get a guilt trip. I would be HAPPY to buy groceries if I had even a slight hope that perhaps next week, he would go ahead and buy the groceries. Fact of the matter is I work hard for my money, and to me, since we only contribute evenly when it comes to bills (somehow he always pays late anyway), I consider myself only responsible for Adrian and myself, which is a lot more than a lot of women would even agree to. When was the last time he spent twenty bucks buying Adrian a new toy, or new clothes, or even the two dollar more expensive good quality diapers that I gave him money to buy but he comes home with the cheap no name shit that leaks constantly. Who is home trying and urging our son to use the potty, while I get lip from his parents about how when her boys were two they were already potty trained.. YEAH, because you're primary job was housewife who had checks sent back to her all the time while she kept up the house and the raising of the kids. I'm responsible for everything, and that makes me the bitch because I don't agreeing with him calling out of work nearly once a week. Maybe if you didn't jam pack your off days with band practices and going out drinking with friends, I'd buy that you want to stay home and have a 'family day' and play with Adrian. Sorry, don't buy it, you'll use any excuse not to go to work because you hate your job, yet do absolutely nothing to try to find a new one. I wish he'd just go on tour again, everyone would be a lot less miserable. I guess it's moments like these when I feel like everythings on me I'm supposed to magically provide for everyone and keep everyone happy, but who's there to provide for me and keep me happy? When was the last time he skipped out on a chance to make money, spent money getting us tickets to a show he knew I'd like to go to, paid for the drinks , etc, just to try to put a smile on my face? Oh yes, never. Times like these make me question everything. I love him, but he has a free ride and always has and just refuses to accept that being an adult means doing things you do not want to do at times you do not want to do them because it is your responsibility. I guess I'm the one who's had to learn the hard way. I get zero appreciation, zero love, zero anything. All I get are dirty looks and comments made under his breath about my being a 'bitch'. This is twice in two months he's called me that and really meant. If you're so fucking miserable and I'm such a horror to be around, go ahead and leave. You don't contribute much anymore anyway. "Another uninnocent, unelegant fall into the unmagnificant lives of adults."